A couple of weeks ago I received a sample of a delicious Italian Amaro from Averna because its importer has launched a PR campaign to raise awareness of the beverage. It’s a desert liqueur that has apparently been around 1854. But I’ve never tasted it before. I was traveling when the sample arrived. But the mysterious package caused my husband to pick up the phone and ask me if he could open the box and find out what was in it.
I was a little concerned that there would be none left by the time I got home but I said okay. And I asked him to sample it and let me know how it was. He cracked the bottle when I was on the phone and deemed it “interesting” but not really for him.
And then I didn’t hear from him. I didn’t see him on Facebook, email, Skype, or text. Maybe he went to a double feature at the movies? Still, he’s a free man. I didn’t really worry till the next morning when, at 9am, he appeared on Facebook.
Or he tried to anyway.
Instead of his usually snarky humor, his status update – via the Social Media Sobriety Test — said, “Dan is too intoxicated to post right now.”
Uh oh! Okay, so he was stressed by playing the role of Mr. Mom while I was gone. But had he drunk the entire bottle and slipped into a catatonic state? It wasn’t even noon.
I sent him a Skype message asking if he had changed his mind about the Averna Amaro. “It was good,” he said. “But I’m more of a beer drinker.”
Obviously, I thought. At least he hadn’t posted a video of himself doing the Macarena with a lampshade on his head.
I sent my daughter a text. “Is Dad drunk?”
Apparently, she was just waiting for an opening like that. She responded, “Of course. Isn’t he Dad?”
How quickly I had gone from concerned spouse to straight man for a tween comic. And I wasn’t even trying.
So I called him and accused him outright of drinking the entire bottle and being too drunk even to post to Facebook.
He laughed. I laughed. The tween laughed. We were all kidding.
Well, I’m home now and there are a couple of glasses gone from the bottle. So it’s clear he enjoyed it. But not so much that it caused his inability to wield mouse and keyboard on Facebook.
So what had?
Being a journalist, I asked a few probing questions about the incident. And the truth, it turns out, of why the Social Media Sobriety test deemed him too drunk to post, is perhaps more embarrassing even than the scenario I’d imagined.
“The sobriety test was kinda hard,” he admitted sheepishly. “I couldn’t do it so early in the morning. I had to drink more coffee and try again.”
And now it’s Friday evening and I’m finally getting around to sampling the Averna myself. Delicious. Something like a spiced or herbed coffee meets Amaretto. Along with the sample came some suggested recipes for trying the drink other ways than its intended “neat.” The one I intend to try – perhaps after dinner tonight – is this:
1 Â½ oz. Averna
1 oz. orange liqueur
1 oz. Espresso
Dash simple syrup
Combine all ingredients and shake vigorously over ice.
Strain and serve in a cocktail glass garnished with a lemon twist.
Should I install the Social Media Sobriety test first, do you think? I think not. I think I can stick to my rule, “Never post anything online after imbibing anything. Ever.” I think that’s a bit less embarrassing than a public statement saying I’m too drunk to handle Facebook.